The moment of elation felt after confirming on the pregnancy test kit that your partner is pregnant is only second to the birth of the baby. After this, you have to enable a lot of things for yourself, your partner, and the family. During all of this, it’s only natural for you to experience a lot of doubt about a variety of things. You’re constantly asking yourself questions, but struggling to find answers. After all, having a baby is a big deal and it comes with a lot of responsibility. To be daunted by the thought is normal, but there are ways to deal with those fears.
In this article, we tell you about the 5 most common fears that you will face as a dad-to-be, and how you can get past those fears and enjoy the experience of parenthood.
1. Will I be able to manage things financially?
With the imminent arrival of another member in the family, potential medical expenses and having the total income cut down due to your partner’s pregnancy break, stress about the financial matters will grow. In addition, you may also start worrying about all the added expenditure to ensure your baby gets a lovely childhood.
Follow the one-word mantra - prioritise. Start saving before you even start trying to conceive. List your needs and wants with your partner, scrutinise that list, prioritise the urgent things, and leave the not so important ones for the future. Cut down on spending which can be avoided, at least for a short time. This way, you can achieve a smooth run during the pregnancy and the baby’s first few years.
2. Will I be able to understand and support my partner through her pregnancy and labour?
As a father, it is absolutely fine to be clueless about a few things and not know all about pregnancy. You will come across terms and tests that you didn’t know existed. These will make you question whether you are doing a good job of supporting your partner throughout the pregnancy. You will probably even feel a little baffled during labour and confused about what you can do.
As natural as it is to feel those things, it is also imperative that you learn how you can best support your partner. Talk to your partner and her gynaecologist about your fears, your reflex reactions to medical things if any, pay attention when they are talking about, and even attend courses, if any. It is absolutely okay if you can’t stand the sight of blood and you sit out the birthing process. The only way to overcome fear is through knowledge, and ensure you are frank and honest about your understanding of the process. That way, you will learn better about how to cope with your fears and be more confident in supporting your partner.
3. Will I be a good father?
Your baby will not cry for you when it is hungry, you will not be as instinctive as the mother in understanding what your child needs or wants, and these things will surely hit hard, giving rise to doubts about your parenting skills. But none of this means that your role in parenting the baby is small or insignificant. In the early years, your job is to be a cheerleader for your star player, the mother, and take responsibility when situation calls. While your partner’s energies are focussed completely on your baby, you take up the other responsibilities of the house. Being a good parent also means creating a great environment for the child. So, ensure you do that and be there for the family. You are a part of a team and every individual contribution in any capacity only helps the team become better.
4. I am going to have no social life, am I?
The transition from being a partner to becoming a parent is quite a journey. While you are excited about becoming a dad, you’re a little worried about missing out on your social life entirely. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Although it is imperative for you to be around your child a lot, it doesn’t mean you can’t go out at all. You can get a few hours with your friends, colleagues, and family while your partner takes care of the baby. You should also encourage your partner to do the same and take responsibility of the child for a few hours every week. Hanging out with a supportive bunch of friends every now and then only does good to both of you as people, parents, and as a family. A refreshing change is always necessary once in a while, and you should totally ensure you get it.
5. Will my relationship with my partner lose its spark?
Your relationship so far has been built on the foundation of a lot of time spent with each other. Consistent communication, having one on one time, and enjoying the good things in life has made your relationship what it is. The arrival of a baby who needs constant care and attention might affect that. But does that mean you can’t revive your relationship and retain the spark? Absolutely not. Yes, it will require more efforts than before. Remember that your relationship has a strong foundation, after all, you decided to have a baby together. Ensure you communicate well and spend some time with each other when the baby is asleep. Once in a while order in and have a cosy dinner date at home. You can also ask family or friends, or hire a nanny, to take care of the baby and go out on a date. But don’t forget that even simpler acts of love and thoughtfulness will work wonders to keep the spark in your relationship alive!
Have more questions or doubts you’d like us to clear up? Drop them in the comments!