When you decide to have a baby, you tend to not only spend a lot of time trying to conceive, but also reading , conception, fertility and so on. But sometimes, despite all the knowledge, things fail to go as per plan. Multiple failed attempts at conception, together with the gloominess of infertility can take its toll on even the strongest couples - emotionally, mentally as well as physically. Not to mention, the constant hormonal chaos going on can also affect your mental and emotional state. How do you maintain your all-round wellbeing as well as a healthy relationship with your partner during these trying times? We explain in this blog post.
It is easiest to wall yourself off at such a trying time. You end up keeping your feelings to yourself because you don’t feel like dealing with people or their sympathy. Doing this may also mean that you end up not communicating with your partner. Not only is this stressful for your marriage, it is also an unhealthy coping mechanism that ends up doing more harm than good. The first step is to identify this behaviour and make a conscious effort to reach out to a support system. It could be your parents, friends, spouse or even a trusted colleague. Let them know what you need and what you are going through.
There are a whole range of emotions that are part and parcel of this journey – hopefulness, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt and so on. Identify which of these you are feeling and understand why you are feeling these. Speak to a trusted friend, family member or even a therapist about what you are going through, they can help you identify why you are feeling this way and help you resolve them.
Like we mentioned before, don’t cut your partner off, keep an open channel of communication. They are probably going through the same things that you are, even if they don’t outwardly show it. Have an open conversation, share your feelings. Listening to and understanding what they are going through may help you understand and resolve your own feelings better. Most importantly, it will help you realize that you’re not alone in this.
There are couples who spend years tying to conceive, spending lakhs of rupees and going through every treatment possible. Then, there are couples who decide from the very beginning, how long they are willing to keep trying to conceive. Setting a limit to how long you are willing to keep trying, will help avoid unnecessary frustration. It will also allow you the time and space to cope with infertility. It will also give you the time to consider other options, like adoption.
Read up and research what it is that you’re going through. This will help you understand your condition better and help you take follow up decisions. Pass this material on to your friends and family so they can better understand what you’re going through and give you the support you need. If there are certain situations that are too painful for you, be open and let your family know.
Most couples who are desperate to conceive go through painful procedures and spend heaps of money, even when the chances of them getting pregnant are slim. This can cause immense physical and mental stress as well as strain their relationship with each other. Therefore, set a timeline orset the number of attempts you both are willing to make. Discuss this with your fertility specialist as well. Staying realistic while making these decisions is a mammoth task and one that is difficult to achieve alone. Support each other in differentiating hopefulness from optimism before making any such decisions.
Most of all, focus on the things you love, your relationship with your partner, your hobbies and passions. These will help keep your mind off the stress of conception and the fertility problems. It is not going to be easy, especially when you are in the middle of a painful, trying IVF procedure. You may not want to hang out with your old friends anymore, because they are now parents and it is too painful to interact with them. Take this into account, reach out to people who are going through the same thing. Pay special attention to yourself, remember to love yourself and your partner.